Death. Chaos. Unicorn Tears
👋🏼
Hi, I’m Kris Bromley
Creative, Strategic & Mental Sparring Partner
Founder of Brain Tapas™
I led one of the weirdest, stickiest, most original cult brands on the internet—then built Brain Tapas™ to help others do it without selling out or burning out.
🩻 The Backstory
When I was 15, I nearly died. I was given a 5% chance of survival.
Meningitis. Septicaemia. Two weeks in a coma.
Doctors told my parents to prepare for the worst.
Somehow, I pulled through—no brain damage*, no amputations.
Just six months off school, a lot of rehab, and a life that’s carried more urgency, perspective, and edge ever since.
🎁 The Firebox Arc
Over 20 years: big wins, brutal lows, viral hits, family culture, and quiet burnout.
From Customer Service hire to Managing Director—eventually selling the company I remortgaged my house to buy into.
I know what it’s like to build something bold. To carry the weight.
To reinvent. To lead. To unravel. To get back up.
Now I help others do it better.
*Some would argue about the brain damage.
📸 Highs & Lowlights
🎯
Led Firebox.com —The Shop for the Unusual.
→ Cult retailer. Independent. 40+ staff. Everything in-house.
→ 20 years. 6M+ orders. £170M+ turnover.
→ No funding. Just grit, weirdness, and reinvestment.
→ Built a “not for everyone” culture and an industry-thrashing NPS score
🧨
Hired by Michael Acton Smith OBE (Calm, Mind Candy).
→ Played every role: From customer service to voice of the brand, face of the brand, buyer, box packer, product creator, tone-polisher, culture keeper and Managing Director for 10 years.
📦
Created viral products.
(Sold some we shouldn’t have.)
→ Unicorn Tears Gin™ (built its own category), CrapWrap™, Inner Selfie Stick, F*cking Strong Coffee, Instant Regret, The Original Mystery Box, and the Chicken Handbag—complete with a world record for puns on a product page.
→ Threatened by Disney, Fox & two of Lionel Richie’s lawyers, and sued for selling an illegal hangover cure.
📉
Burned out in a hospital in Portugal.
→ Family holiday turned wake-up call. Time to reset.
🌍
Survived & Sold:
→ Two decades of change: recessions, bubbles, pandemics, Amazon, drop-shipping, pop-up shops, and the birth of smartphones, influencers & all social media
→ Sold the business after remortgaging for equity, on our terms, protecting brand legacy and staff. Personally talked them into it with a PowerPoint, some jokes, and a terrifyingly detailed brand history.
📺
Became a media oddity:
→ Netflix (regular judge), The Apprentice (judge x 2), Derren Brown (patsy/victim), BBC, Channel 4, Sky News.
→ Wore six different disguises for a press launch.
→ 1.5M views on Quora. Most-viewed UK expert.
→ Side hustles & money-pits: failed comedy screenplay, cult t-shirt brand, failed energy mints, abs in my 40s, and a blog explaining why I once walked 30 miles in a circle in Barcelona at 4am.
💔 Lost my dad.
👨👧👧 Became a proud girl dad (x2).
📦 Moved to East Yorkshire. Still miss London.
Why It Matters Now
Everything I’ve lived, built, tested, broken, and rebuilt—
It all feeds Brain Tapas™.
Not just experience.
Experience, plus relentless curiosity.
Earned insight—weaponised for your benefit.
So whether you’re:
→ Building a bold brand,
→ Running an independent business,
→ Chasing your next reinvention,
→ Or just trying to make sharper decisions under pressure…
I’m in your corner.
Meningitis didn’t kill me.
Firebox didn’t kill me.
Now I help make sure your business doesn’t kill you either.
👉 [BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY SESSION BELOW]
